Ask Tamara:Facebook Breakup
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Dear Tamara:
My boyfriend and I recently had a heated argument. I was sure that after a few days things would cool off and we would go back to normal, like we always do. That was until a mutual friend told me that my boyfriend had changed his relationship status on Facebook. When I went to check, I found that he had “unfriended” me and completely blocked me from his page! Not only was I furious, I was embarrassed. 
We have a ton of mutual friends and he is friends with several members of my family. Needless to say, I have been getting a ton of phone calls and text messages from people wanting to know what’s going on and if I’m okay. I am not sure what to tell people; especially since I didn’t know that we had broken up. I hate that he put our business on blast. How should I respond to this? Should I change my relationship status as well?
Dear Unfriended:
Breaking up can be a difficult thing and I can imagine it being that much more difficult in a public forum. While I am not sure of the proper protocols for managing a relationship on Facebook, I do not think retaliation and going back and forth through social media is a good look, especially when so many people are tuned into your status updates and posts. Things can get messy and out of hand. 
Unfortunately, when you make the decision to share your personal life on a public forum, you open yourself up to a level of visibility by all the people who have access to your profile (family, coworkers, friends and friends of friends). Be careful not to allow your embarrassment or anger to make you react in a way that you do not want others to witness!
Though I am not privy to the heated argument and what went down between you two, I must say, I am disappointed that your boyfriend chose to deal with your relationship through Facebook rather than pick up a phone or talk face-to-face. Either he was just trying to get a reaction out of you, he is a horrible communicator, or he is simply a coward. It seems more and more people are hiding behind technology and for whatever reason find it easier to say difficult things through texts, emails, and now Facebook and Twitter. 
It is sad that two people who consider themselves in relationship with one another cannot communicate. If you want to save this relationship, I encourage you to reach out to your boyfriend and try to work things out offline. If that does not work or your boyfriend is not open to a conversation, then you may want to consider changing your relationship status.
Author of the upcoming book Been There Done That: And Lived to Tell About It, Tamara R. Allen is Your Advice Guru giving REAL advice from REAL experience. Email your questions to You can follow Tamara on twitter @tamararallen or check out her daily column and archives at
Author of the upcoming book Been There Done That: And Lived to Tell About It (due out Spring 2011).  Email your questions to You can follow Tamara on twitter @tamararallen or check out her daily column and archives at
This was printed in the March 11, 2012 - March 24, 2012 Edition

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