We as people have a lot of work to do. When it comes to negativity and reflecting on our views towards others, it is prudent sometimes to just keep your thoughts to yourself.
I notice now as time goes on that women are not taking responsibility for the nuturing of other women. One generation of successful women leaders and the grooming has seemed to stop. Who stated that a woman who is older does not need assistance. We need constant grooming.
Women who distinguish themselves by being astute can become the victim of another’s “she thinks she is so smart” syndrome.
Women who are ready to change their course of living very quickly based on personal or business circumstances may become the victim of another’s “why doesn’t she just settle down, get married and have children”.
Part of the Problem
I was recently having a converstation with a bartender. Please note that bartenders are like normal people and the what happens in the bar stays in the bar rules only apply to fiction books. They can gossip too.
This bartender could not stop talking about everyone who she had served over the years. I had only met her three times. This conversation occurred when she was not working.
It seemed like she had more information on folks than the Secret Service. So when you go to a bar be rest assured that you are not fully protected by the same high standards that bartenders on television appear to have.
Possibly on that day it was just that bartender’s lack of judgement. I mean after meeting me three times, she had collected a mish mash of stories and with the scarce information collected, I wondered how did I become so “dramatic” and what is it to this person.
The bartender is a woman and attractive in my opinion. I was trying to read her as she continued to tell me who I was and that she would be getting to the bottom of my story. Basically, someone told her that I was a politician and some other totally unrelated information that was amusing me.
I forgot to add that I was working while this conversation was going on so I was being distracted.
I wanted to ask her if she was going somewhere with the conversation. We had differences over interpretations of certain things. She was becoming animated.
She asked me about a relationship that I used to have with another woman. This woman was a friend. I wondered again, why is this so important. I wanted to ask her what was she going to do in her life to be a phenomenal and successful person.
I explained to her that I made a concious decision to separate myself. I do not have a problem with that person. What happened was 10 years ago. I thought to myself, how interesting is this and why am I having this conversation with someone who does not know me.
I was amazed that the owner of the establishment could see that she was attempting to “steal my joy”. I was there to finish up my work and she should have been told to settle down. She told me that I should stop working basically because what I was doing was not that important. I was looking to the owner for assistance and I wondered if indeed anything would have been done if she was a man? One of my public - private endeavors to “love people” was stretched to the limit. I think that I will not be going there for a while. I did get my work done though.
It was very interesting. I tell you this story because we oftentimes talk about men who do not want women to make it to the top. However, women have come a long way but there is still a long way to go.
Competition is always going to be healthy. Women need to recognize that we need to support each other and choose not to tear each other down, bring up nonsense from years ago.
If we share power it is the challenge that makes it more electrifying. We do not have to continue to defend ourselves furiously or not develop the kind of relationships that are fruitful.
There is always that delicate balance of egos that should be taken into account. Honesty and integrity is also key to survival. All allegations should be put out on the table and discussed.
Women let us put our heads together. There are key players in your life and there are those who are not.
If you do not have an inner circle, find one. I would rather be surrounded by the same three people who respect the facts then push the fiction.
At least 24 hours a day 7 days a week should be dedicated to taking care of yourself. While you may have women who “bully” in your life, you do not have to allow them to wreak havoc on your life. Analyze your wants from your relationships with women.
Write a list if you have to and come up with a compromise if you must but the obvious is going to come from your gut.
P.S. Loving people means that if things are not making you happy, you may just have to let them go. Why waste time on the negative?
This was printed in the December 16, 2012 - December 29, 2012 Edition