By Dr. Daneen Skube
Tribune Content Agency
Q: You frequently talk about the benefits of psychotherapy. I am wondering how to find a good therapist and why you believe psychotherapy can help me succeed in my workplace?
A: You can find a good psychotherapist if you know the right questions. Effective therapy helps you succeed because all relationships with others depend on the relationship we have with ourselves. For many adults we do not spend much time getting to know the one person we can never get away from.
In good therapy, talk is not cheap as there is a valuable authentic conversation between you and your counselor. An effective counselor should go beyond paraphrasing you, asking you questions, and taking notes. Most people go to therapy because there are better ways to handle challenges and they'd like concrete help.
Good screening questions include:
1) How many years of weekly individual therapy have you done (the counselor should not be surprised, offended or refuse to answer).
2) How many clients do you see weekly (should be under 30). Each client should be an important relationship to the therapist and managing more than 30 intense relationships isn't possible.
3) How long have you been in practice? (a decade or more is good).
Notice whether the office seems inviting. Pay attention to whether your potential counselor calls you a client or a patient. Counselors who refer to you as a patient are suggesting that you are ill.
In a first session a therapist should say one thing that blows your mind a little. An insightful challenging statement about you shows the therapist is paying attention. A good therapist is willing to tell you things that might upset you. An effective therapist should put your well-being over their financial security and sometimes a good therapist has to risk you will fire him or her if something difficult is said to you.
Good therapy is invaluable to a good career because you get to know your unconscious self. Most people do not realize that there is a large part of themselves running around destroying the goals they have outside their awareness.
We leak out criticism, outrage, guilt or disappointment in ways that alienate others. Good therapy teaches us how to acknowledge our unconscious self, acknowledge our intense feelings, and behave strategically so we get what we want.
I rarely if ever recommend my clients go just share their feelings. Mostly sharing our feelings on the job sinks our success.
A good therapist becomes a superb powerful guide to your inner world in which all possibilities for your happiness still reside.
The last word(s)
Q: I have some ambitious career goals, but cannot see how I will find the exact right job in my future. I feel discouraged because I can see all the obstacles but not a clear path. Is there a way to remain motivated?
A: Yes, Rumi, 13th century Persian poet and Sufi mystic, wisely observed, "What you seek is seeking you!" Those who expect to find what they want usually do because they approach the world with optimistic curiosity.
Daneen Skube, Ph.D., executive coach, trainer, therapist and speaker, also appears as the FOX Channel's "Workplace Guru" each Monday morning. She's the author of "Interpersonal Edge: Breakthrough Tools for Talking to Anyone, Anywhere, About Anything" (Hay House, 2006). You can contact Dr. Skube at www.interpersonaledge.com or 1420 NW Gilman Blvd., #2845, Issaquah, WA 98027. Sorry, no personal replies.
(c) 2018 INTERPERSONAL EDGE
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