By Jazmine Heggins
“Peace, Love, and Light”, a phrase that is often said within the spiritual and yoga community. This usually can be used as a greeting, say see you next time, or simply to wish someone well.
When you begin your journey of self-enlightenment, you expect to receive that exactly, peace, love and light. No one warns you about all the shadow work that comes with elevation. I began my yoga practice after moving from Michigan to Georgia.
The Black body movement in yoga is what drew me in. My first class was at a Kemetic yoga studio where Black women taught us how to move our bodies like the ancient gods and goddesses of Egypt. That unlocked something inside of me that lay dormant. Yoga became an enormous piece of my lifestyle. I held my classes and events centered around healing through yoga poses and meditation.
As I journeyed deeper into my practice, the clearer the ugly shadow of myself would show on the surface level. All of my insecurities were put on the front-page news of my life. I ran, I hid, I began to ignore my healing as much as I could. The work that I began could not be undone and I could not escape what I started. I thought that if I moved again, things would change, another mistake. It was like what Solange said, ” I tried to drink it away, but that just made me even sadder”. I lost jobs, lost people that I thought would be around for lifetimes, I lost myself.
Through the darkness of the ugly shadow self, I began to see the beauty again. This only happened once I sat down and appreciated myself for all that I was and everything I could become. I started practicing yoga again, but not in the traditional way of only body movement. Yoga is defined as “bringing harmony between the mind and body. I began to journal every other day, I began intentional breath-work and acknowledged the thoughts that stained my mind about myself.
Something happened… Judgment began to sub-side and I grew to love the pieces that I used to call ugly. I realized a few things; I was striving for unattainable perfection as many humans do. I was judging myself for every move and mistake ever made, even down to taking a break when I needed rest. What I know now is I can’t lean on others to replenish my energy.
I am in control of my trajectory, also to give myself a break, I can not be everything for everyone else, but I can love myself completely and fully accept my flaws. These things may sound cliche, and maybe you have already accepted these things about yourself. It is the simple things that hold the most weight for me. A wise person once told me, that if I didn’t let go of my past, it would follow me into my present and future. These words have stayed in the back of my mind, and I will carry them forever. I believe that letting go is the catalyst of peace, love, light.
Jazmine is a 28-year-old writer, author, and content creator, currently living in the metro Atlanta area. She is originally from Lansing, MI. She discovered her love for writing at a young age and was inspired by reading novels and love stories growing up. Since then she has learned to use writing as a form of meditation and healing. Jazmine has written a poetry book called When The Sun Sets vol. 1. She is currently working on her next book and blog writing for her website bluereignwrites.com.